Pails in Comparison

Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs

PIC No. 30: 
• Title: Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs
• Author: Soren Kaplan
• Publisher: Matt Holt (Jan. 24, 2023, 264 pages)
• Management Bucket #7 of 20: The People Bucket 



Welcome to Issue No. 30 of PAILS IN COMPARISON, the value-added sidekick of John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. This blog features my “PICs”—shorter reviews of helpful books—with comparisons to other books in my 20 management buckets (core competencies) filing system.

Oops! No One Roasted the Author at His Farewell Roast!

You’re well-read. You’re a trend-spotter. You’re in-the-know. You coach others, right?
• So you’re familiar with IQ (intelligence quotient).
• You’re savvy about EQ (emotional intelligence).
• And you can summarize XQ (experiential intelligence).

What? You’ve never heard of XQ? Welcome to the club! Soren Kaplan, author of the new book, Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs, defines XQ as:

“…the combination of mindsets, abilities, and know-how gained from your unique life experience that empowers you to achieve your goals.”

Really? Now we need yet one more assessment to learn how to survive in the workplace and in our relationships? (I know…the latest, greatest assessment parade is beginning to feel like the 31 ice cream flavors from Baskin-Robbins.) But…hold on. This one may surprise you.

To test the waters of this book (released on Jan. 24), I read Chapter 9 first, “Leadership XQ.” Bingo! The author, named to the prestigious Thinkers 50, begins by quoting Peter Drucker in the first sentence. “The task of leadership is to create an alignment of strengths in ways that make the system’s weaknesses irrelevant.”

Kaplan elaborates on why your past experiences matter. “Gaining insight into your self-limiting beliefs and autopilot responses allows you to avoid being steered by them, while making it easier for your strengths to rise to the surface.” Oh, my. The author is very, very transparent and his personal examples and vulnerability are prompts for searching your own soul.

Citing “a cascade of poor decisions” he made in one company, he confesses: “Just like how I hunkered down as a kid and became incredibly self-sufficient due to my circumstances, I reverted to another self-limiting belief: that, in order to get through tough times, I needed to step up and go it alone.” Chapter 9 lists five leadership strategies to leverage both positive and negative experiences.

Inspired by Chapter 9, I then read this fascinating book properly: page one to 203. You’ll appreciate the “Key Messages” bullet points summarizing the 13 chapters. (You might even read those first). Each chapter features a QR code for a short introductory video by the author. (Helpful!)

Think of IQ, EQ, and XQ as a Venn diagram with each segment complementing each other. “While the world generally recognizes IQ and EQ as indicators of ability, the missing element is Experiential Intelligence. XQ is like the third leg of a stool that’s been propping us up all along but that we haven’t been able to see because it’s been hidden beneath our seats. As a complement to IQ and EQ, XQ expands our understanding of what’s needed to thrive in today’s every-changing, increasingly uncertain, and disruptive world.”

Remember the January 2 shock-to-the-nation when Damar Hamlin, the Buffalo Bills player experienced cardiac arrest on the field? Had The Wall Street Journal reporter read this XQ book, he would have mentioned how Coach Sean McDermott leveraged IQ, EQ, and XQ in the midst of that trauma. Click here to read “The Coach Who Turned Around the Buffalo Bills—and Led Them Through Crisis.” (Reporter Andrew Beaton does note McDermott’s EQ.)

Good News! The book is filled (actually jam-packed) with helpful charts and templates:
• 3 Building Blocks of XQ (Mindsets, Abilities, Know-How)
• Intelligence Comparison Chart (3 columns detailing focus, definition, and scope)
• XQ Snapshot Template (and the author’s personal examples)
• Impact Chart Template (a matrix with type of experience and level of impact: Trauma, Transformation, Limiter, Expander)
• Belief Mapper Template (impacts, messages, beliefs)
• Primal World Beliefs (based on research)
• Belief Expander Template (Self-Limiting Beliefs and Self-Expanding Beliefs)

Taking a page from Leadership and Self-Deception, Kaplan discusses “ways to create a new storyline and reinvent your relationship loops.” It took the author 10 years to realize that he and his business partner were “stuck in a negative relationship loop.” And this aspiration: “I no longer wanted to live with a constant hum of irritation in my interactions with such an important person in my life.”

Did I mention the author’s transparency? Leaving a managerial position at a big tech company, the department planned a “roast” party. Read why his measured and “so-invulnerable” persona (based on his life experiences) left his colleagues with no roast material. (Oh, my.) Now, as he’s dug deep into XQ, he’s a different person. (Apparently, people can change!)

More Good News! The book includes access to a very brief online assessment that measures your XQ. Helpful—and revealing.

The 3 Powerful S’s—Plus More! If you’re a long-time reader of my book reviews, you know that I’m a big fan of what I’ve labeled “The 3 Powerful S’s: Social Styles, Strengths, and Spiritual Gifts.” Then, I read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (The World’s Most Popular Emotional Intelligence Test). Oops! There are more assessments that fill in the blanks for holistic living. (See below and see also Part 9, “Five Powerful Assessments,” in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.)

The author warns that “toxic organizational cultures can fly under the radar for a long time. These cultures are often exacerbated by a combination of formal and informal policies, procedures, rewards, and poor leadership behavior.” (Example: Uber’s early days.)

While XQ is not a theological book—it kinda is. (See the “Good vs. Bad” chart.) I’d enjoy a day with my friends from TrueFace to hear their color commentary on how Experiential Intelligence (XQ) blends with the content in their book, The Cure: What If God Isn’t Who You Think He Is and Neither Are You.

PAILS IN COMPARISON: Reading this book reminded me of several other must-read books in the People Bucket, plus other buckets/core competencies. 

[ ] Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (The World’s Most Popular Emotional Intelligence Test), by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves (read my review)
[ ] Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box (Second Edition), by The Arbinger Institute (read my review)
[ ] Brain Rules for Work: The Science of Thinking Smarter in the Office and at Home, by John Medina (read my review)

[ ] Illuminate: Ignite Change Through Speeches, Stories, Ceremonies, and Symbols, by Nancy Duarte and Patti Sanchez (read my review)
[ ] The 6 Types of Working Genius: A Better Way to Understand Your Gifts, Your Frustrations, and Your Team, by Patrick M. Lencioni. Listen on Libro (4 hours, 11 minutes) - (read my review)
[ ] The Cure: What If God Isn’t Who You Think He Is and Neither Are You, by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol and Bill Thrall (read my review)

To order from Amazon, click on the title for Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs, by Soren Kaplan. Listen on Libro (5 hours, 45 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy. For more book reviews, visit John Pearson’s Buckets Blog and subscribe to Your Weekly Staff Meeting.

© 2023 John Pearson Associates. All rights reserved.
Pails in Comparison is posted every once in a while. We do not accept any form of compensation from authors or publishers for book reviews. As an Amazon Associate, we earn Amazon gift cards from qualifying purchases. As a Libro.fm Affiliate, we earn credits. By subscribing to Your Weekly Staff Meeting, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Typepad.com’s privacy policy here.

Why We Argue and How to Stop

PIC No. 18: 
• Title: Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships 
• Author: Jerry Manney
• Publisher: TCK Publishing (March 11, 2022, 173 pages)
• Management Bucket #7 of 20: The People Bucket



Welcome to Issue No. 18 of PAILS IN COMPARISON, the value-added sidekick of John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. This blog features my “PICs”—shorter reviews of helpful books—with comparisons to other books in my 20 management buckets (core competencies) filing system.

“You Don’t Have to Go to Every Argument You’re Invited to!”

Oh, my! Jerry Manney (therapist, writer, and teacher) has been hanging around our homes and workplaces—and he knows way too much!

So I have two options for you:
[ ] Option #1: Schedule time with a therapist. (Could be expensive.)
[ ] Option #2: Read this book. (A bargain!)

And I have two questions for you:
[ ] #1. How many uncomfortable arguments have you had in the last 12 months?
[ ] #2. How many books have you read in the last 12 months on how to STOP arguing?

Do you see where I’m going with this? Jerry Manney writes, “Regardless of what we argue about or why we argue, it boils down to this: we’re trying to make someone think or act the way we want them to, and we’re met with the usual result—pushback.”

How’s that working out for you? (Yeah. Me, too.) So that’s why I’m now recommending Manney’s book, Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships. It’s the perfect length and—like a good James Bond movie—the action (the learning) blasts off in the opening minutes.

Examples:
• Why We Actually Argue (19 convicting bullet points!): “You argue as a form of competition.” Or, “Sometimes you simply enjoy arguing.” Or, “You want to prove a point.”
• Your Specific Arguing Patterns! Manney promises to help you (me, too!) “cultivate your awareness of which situations upset you and make you more likely to get into heated arguments.” (He then offers a helpful one-step-at-a-time process.) Did you know you have “specific arguing patterns?”

Not your problem? Don’t need this book? That was my prideful response—until I reviewed the “Why Do I Argue? Self-Questionnaire.” The author had my attention by Question #10, but then he piles on with 11 more questions! I double dare you: reflect on all 21 statements, including:
   • #3. “I thought that if I disagreed with someone that one of us had to be right and the other had to be wrong.”
   • #17. “At times, I find myself thinking, ‘But if they would just listen to reason…’”
   • #18. “At times, I find myself thinking, ‘But I know what is best for [name, relationship].’”
   • #19. “At times, I find myself thinking that [name, relationship] wants me to change, but they are not willing to change and we continue to butt heads.”

Note: Each question also includes a fill-in-the-blanks add-on about the person and relationship—and, importantly, asks you to identify your goal in that situation.

Guarantee! Read the first 14 pages and you’ll be at the head of your class in all-things-arguing. And, there’s no way you’ll skip Chapter 2, “Put the Brakes on Heated Arguments,” with seven points about calling a “time-out.” Really helpful! And this: “…practice not going to every argument you’re invited to.” (I’ll remember that today!)

The author’s humility is refreshing (remember, he’s a therapist). He quotes Alexander Pope: “A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser than he was yesterday.”

That reminded me of a friend’s frequent response to his wife: “I may be wrong. I’ve been wrong before. Do you want to talk about it?” (LOL!) I’ve repeated that phrase occasionally to my wife—but now with this marvelous book, I actually am learning how to talk about it.

DON’T’ SKIP:
• “Seven Guidelines for Positive Communication” – Example: “Label Your Emotions” (the author lists 50 emotions—Yikes!).
• Referencing the bestseller on negotiations, Getting to Yes, Manney notes, “They point out that it’s easy to sometimes forget that a negotiation is not a debate…”
• “What to Do When You Need More Help” (Chapter 10) delivers “…insights into frequent conditions that may contribute to your personal and interpersonal stress or conflicts” (physical issues and more). Excellent! And the chapter on “Children and Teens” and “the teachable moment” is a must-read for all parents and grandparents (and my camp director colleagues!).
• “Positive Self-Reinforcement from the Past”—and the wonderful country western song, “I Hear Voices All the Time” by Chris Young, is a keeper! (Listen on YouTube).
• The helpful mnemonics and other memory aids such as "HALT" (the dangers of becoming overly Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired) and "SOS." He writes, "Rome may not have been built in a day, but when I am overly tired, I can build mountains out of molehills in minutes."

While you can read this book just once and gain significant value, the book can also be leveraged as a workbook. See the prompts for journaling your responses—and creating actionable plans. You’ll appreciate the numerous prompts that begin with “My plan is to…” Brilliant!

I can think of several arguments I’ve avoided already since reading this book. I’m grateful!

PAILS IN COMPARISON: Reading this book reminded me of several other must-read books in the People Bucket, plus other buckets/core competencies. Note: I slotted Why We Argue and How to Stop in the People Bucket—because the four social styles (Drivers, Analyticals, Amiables, and Expressives) will each approach an argument from their preferred comfort zone. When stressed out, you'll use one of four “back-up styles" such as: withdrawing, dominating, giving in, or attacking. See Bob Phillips' book below and the social style worksheets at the People Bucket webpage here. More reading:

• Overcoming Conflict: How to Deal with Difficult People and Situations, by Bob Phillips (read my review)
• The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever, by Michael Bungay Stanier (read my review)
• Leading with Heart: Five Conversations That Unlock Creativity, Purpose, and Results, by John Baird and Edward Sullivan (see especially the section on “fight, flee, or freeze”) – (read my review)
• Parenting in a Screen Saturated Culture: Teaching Healthy Decision-Making to the Smartphone, YouTube, Instagram, Gaming Generation, by Doug Fields and Jonathan McKee (read my review)

To order from Amazon, click on the title for Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships, by Jerry Manney. For more book reviews, visit John Pearson’s Buckets Blog and subscribe to Your Weekly Staff Meeting. (And thanks to the author for sending me a review copy.)

© 2022 John Pearson Associates. All rights reserved.
Pails in Comparison is posted every once in a while. We do not accept any form of compensation from authors or publishers for book reviews. As an Amazon Associate, we earn Amazon gift cards from qualifying purchases. As a Libro.fm Affiliate, we earn credits. By subscribing to Your Weekly Staff Meeting, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Typepad.com’s privacy policy here.

The Humming Effect: Sound Healing for Health and Happiness

PIC No. 17: 
• Title: The Humming Effect: Sound Healing for Health and Happiness 
• Authors: Jonathan Goldman and Andi Goldman
• Publisher: Healing Arts Press (June 27, 2017, 144 pages)
• Management Bucket #7 of 20: The People Bucket



 Welcome to Issue No. 17 of PAILS IN COMPARISON, the value-added sidekick of John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. This blog features my “PICs”—shorter reviews of helpful books—with comparisons to other books in my 20 management buckets (core competencies) filing system.

“Good Vibrations!”

In the riveting book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, Dr. Atul Gawande reminds us, “People die only once.” That's also my plan, but even at my advanced age perhaps I have a few years left—in spite of seeing my fair share of medical professionals this year. So recently, my radar was on high alert when a trusted friend gave me an unusual book, The Humming Effect: Sound Healing for Health and Happiness.

I had severe pain at the time. (Thank God I’m better today.) The book proposed an unusual approach to improved health—so, of course, I thanked my friend, Meri, and read the book.

Jonathan Goldman and Andi Goldman, the husband and wife “humming team,” have written a very compelling book (did I also mention “unusual”?). How compelling? I gave a copy to my doctor and he bought three more copies for his colleagues. I gave a copy to my favorite physical therapy team—and the PT leader there noticed she already hums frequently! This humming craze is plundering my book budget!

What’s the hypothesis? “The theory is this: The act of humming creates vibrations within the brain that stimulate a plethora of neurochemicals, such as melatonin and nitric oxide, as well as microtubules of different cells in the brain. The vibrational effect stimulates the repair of damaged or diseased cells, the generation of new cells, and the formation of new synaptic pathways. Simply put: it is possible to create new neural networks in the brain through self-created sound such as humming.”

The authors’ aspirations are lofty: “This is the humming hypothesis, and we believe it has great implications with regard to Alzheimer’s, strokes, various head injuries, PTSD, and many other conditions and diseases related to neurological imbalances, as well as an overall state of physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. We trust that very soon the power of humming to create positive and beneficial vibrational effects will become recognized and validated by the scientific and medical communities and used to assist the healing process.”

Those hopes are from the 2017 edition of the book—but so far, I’ve not heard of a physician suggesting, “Take two aspirin, hum for five minutes, and then call me in the morning.”

LOL! While the book integrates medicine, brain science and much more—it’s still very readable. The authors inject both humor and substance. In the fascinating chapter, “Our Thoughts Matter,” they interview a doctor about his research on cell membranes. “He also determined that the membrane was highly responsive to environmental stimuli, including both physical and energetic—that is, vibrational factors.” To answer a related question, the doctor sang a chorus of the Beach Boys’ song, “Good Vibrations.” LOL! (I couldn’t resist—so I had to view the BBoys singing it! Click here!)

“Really, John? These authors have sucked you into a new age/Eastern religion mindfulness? I thought you were a Jesus follower?”

I am a Jesus person—and I admit to being Skeptic #1 as I read some of the chapters and relaxation methodologies. But the authors quote two studies demonstrating “that just five minutes of humming can radically reduce stress.” I’m all for that! They add, “It’s that powerful and that simple. So, before you reach for that Xanax, that glass of wine, or whatever you use to unwind, perhaps you’ll take five minutes for a finely tuned sonically prescribed hum.”

Should I keep reading this, I wondered? I often start a book on page 25—my standard for looking for the meat and potatoes (or just potatoes for some!). Bingo! Discussing how sound can heal, the authors point us to “videos of people shattering wine glasses with their voices on YouTube” (see also MythBusters on the Discovery Channel). And then this:

“Remember the story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho in the Old Testament? Joshua and his men blew horns and gave a great shout and the walls crumbled.” They add, “With sufficient amplitude, sound is powerful enough to cause any object to shatter when its resonant frequency matches that of the object. This second approach to sound healing focuses on using sound to disintegrate whatever pathogen, malignancy, or energy is causing harm to the body.” (The authors point to a 2013 TEDx talk. Note the disclaimer from TED. Click here.)

My final thoughts? The authors affirm, “And please know that it is not necessary to hold any sort of spiritual or religious beliefs when experimenting with these exercises; they simply are powerful tools for transformation, manifesting via the realm of humming.”

My faith in Jesus Christ does not waver. (Read The Case for Christ.) I believe Jesus is the crucified, buried, and risen Son of God. The Creator knows me and fashioned me. King David said we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” We are made in the image of God—and humming was God’s idea!

Try this at home: Begin humming and then pinch your nostrils shut. (Humming stops!) God designed that system! And the next time you have a stuffy nose? You guessed it: Hum! “It’ll open up your nasal cavity.” (The authors suggest that humming also soothes sore throats.)

Bonus! The book directs you to online audio tracks with humming exercises (no extra charge). So join me—all together now: Hummmmmmmmmm.

PAILS IN COMPARISON: Reading this book reminded me of several other must-read books in the People Bucket, plus other buckets/core competencies. (Note: I slotted The Humming Effect in the People Bucket—because it’s likely that the four social styles (Drivers, Analyticals, Amiables, and Expressives) will each respond differently to the humming protocols. One humming “size” doesn’t fit all! Suggested reading:

• Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, by Atul Gawande (read my review)
• Fit at Last: Look and Feel Better Once and for All, by Ken Blanchard and Tim Kearin (read my review)
• Brain Rules for Work: The Science of Thinking Smarter in the Office and at Home, by John Medina (read my review)
• 7 Seconds to Success: How to Effectively Relate to People in an Instant, by Gary Coffey and Bob Phillips (The 4 Social Styles) - (read my review)

To order from Amazon, click on the title for The Humming Effect: Sound Healing for Health and Happiness, by Jonathan Goldman and Andi Goldman. Listen on Libro.fm (4 hours, 53 minutes). For more book reviews, visit John Pearson’s Buckets Blog and subscribe to Your Weekly Staff Meeting. 

© 2022 John Pearson Associates. All rights reserved.
Pails in Comparison is posted every once in a while. We do not accept any form of compensation from authors or publishers for book reviews. As an Amazon Associate, we earn Amazon gift cards from qualifying purchases. As a Libro.fm Affiliate, we earn credits. By subscribing to Your Weekly Staff Meeting, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Typepad.com’s privacy policy here.