Issue No. 627 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting highlights seven “uncommon graces” that need front-row seats today. Plus, click here to see book recommendations in all 20 management buckets (core competencies), and click here for more book reviews. Also, read my recent review of Becoming a Future-Ready Church: 8 Shifts to Encourage and Empower the Next Generation of Leaders.
John Vawter writes: “When ‘safe sins’ go unchallenged, something of a Christian fantasy religion is allowed to thrive—a religion that condemns alcohol and adultery, yet condones, say, arrogance and abrasiveness. There should be a support group in the church for those addicted to ‘safe sins’—an AA for the arrogant and the abrasive.”
AA for the Arrogant and Abrasive
Yikes! John Vawter writes about one of his best friends who considered “leaving his extremely stressful job. He reached this conclusion one night when he went to tell his daughter goodnight. As he sat beside her, he said, ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’ve had a bad day at work.’ She looked up at him and said, ‘Dad, you have a lot of bad days at work.’”
Vawter adds, “His daughter acted as a circuit breaker. With that one sentence, she gave him the opportunity to set aside his excuses and take an honest look at how the stress of his job was affecting him.” Read more about “circuit breakers” in this powerful book:
Uncommon Graces:
Christlike Responses to a Hostile World
by John Vawter
Christlike Responses to a Hostile World
by John Vawter
Written in 1998 by this discerning pastor, former seminary president, golfer, and golf ball hawker (see below!), this NavPress book is as current as today’s headlines—and needed now more than ever. In his chapter, “Establishing Circuit Breakers,” Vawter asks, “Why is it that so many people who claim to be followers of Jesus Christ live lives that are so offensive?”
And before you cheer, “Yes! A book I can give to some of my friends”—I’d encourage you to read Uncommon Graces prayerfully yourself. And keep a big mirror handy.
Vawter says that “Just as circuit breakers in our homes break the flow of electricity when there is a power surge or another electrical problem, personal circuit breakers are those people who God uses to break the flow of destructive behaviors in our lives.” He adds, “Each of us needs circuit breakfast in our lives. And God has called us to be circuit breakers in the lives of others.”
The author lists five reasons we need circuit breakers (I love the metaphor!):
#1. To help us look at ourselves.
#2. To help us see how our weaknesses cause us to behave. (You’ll appreciate his insights on the four social styles. Vawter is a “Driver”—and yes, that gets him in trouble sometimes!) I have no idea why that might be.
#3. To help us take responsibility for ourselves. (Read his wife’s funny poke!)
#4. To show us how we are hurting others. (Yikes! Read what his daughter and son told him.)
#5. To help us grow. (Read why a leader told him, “You honor the leader you have.” See the blurb below for A Tale of Three Kings.)
This chapter is meaty enough for weeks of reflection—and I haven’t even mentioned the author’s list of seven “uncommon graces.” (What seven would you list?) Vawter recommends these “simple courtesies of grace” to our hostile world: Gentleness, Attentiveness, Loyalty, Candor, Mercy, Kindness, and Repentance.
GENTLENESS. Vawter quotes a professional counselor: “Some of the smartest people who come to see me are the best liars. They pay money to sit there for sixty minutes and lie.” And read this:
“When ‘safe sins’ go unchallenged, something of a Christian fantasy religion is allowed to thrive—a religion that condemns alcohol and adultery, yet condones, say, arrogance and abrasiveness. There should be a support group in the church for those addicted to ‘safe sins’—an AA for the arrogant and the abrasive.”
ATTENTIVENESS. Read why a friend declined to speak at a conference—until the conference leaders changed their arrogant theological postures!
LOYALTY. “You’ve all heard about the Norwegian who loved his wife so much that he almost told her.”
CANDOR. “One college board chairman told an administrator, ‘I don’t want you going out and conducting any more conflict-resolution seminars. You haven’t resolved a single conflict in your own institution.’” (See also the HBR article on candor in the boardroom and the Peacemakers website.)
MERCY. “In contrast to the darkness that selfishness and insensitivity bring with them, mercy walks into a room and brightens everything.” (Enjoy this song.)
KINDNESS. The author quotes Charles L. Allen, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
REPENTANCE. What about people who refuse to look in the mirror? Vawter mentions Hale Irwin’s comments on golfing great Jack Nicklaus. (Really interesting!) Then addressing those in the church who are rarely, if ever, repentant, Vawter writes, “But isn’t it true that far too many people who say they are followers of Christ who have to be hit over the head with a nine iron before they will admit the truth?”
And speaking of golf—after you look in the mirror at these uncommon graces—take a swing at another book by John Vawter, Anything for a Golf Ball: The Art of Finding Lost Golf Balls. While learning about “ball hawking” is laugh-out-loud funny, you’ll also find it redemptive. “Billy Graham [was] a ball hawker. He says it is a direct practical carryover from his life's spiritual mission ‘to seek and save that which is lost.’”
Uncommon Graces will preach! Whether you rotate the leadership (one person per week sharing one of the seven uncommon graces at staff meetings), or your church launches a sermon series—you’ll find treasure in every chapter:
• Dozens (maybe hundreds) of practical stories—punctuating the points.
• Memorable anecdotes including Football Coach Frosty Westering’s inspirational goal for an out-of-shape middle-aged man, who started out as “a one-tree man” and placed a tiny tree in his office every time he reached a new “tree” goal. (In six weeks, he became a 43-tree man.) Brilliant!
• In a project for Murdock Trust, the author collaborated on a phone survey to 420 people that asked, “What is the number-one quality you’re looking for in your pastor?” (The #1 response: “compassion.” What would #1 be now in 2024? Must-read chapter, “Building Community.”)
• Learn how “Living the Golden Rule” (Chapter 10), prompted frequent letters from custodians at other universities. See how Coach John Wooden’s UCLA basketball teams practiced the golden rule at their away games! Stunning.
FORE! In 2007, I was the fourth guy in a golf foursome in Palm Desert, Calif. I didn’t know the other golfers, but I mentioned a new Ken Blanchard book I had heard about. Everyone laughed and pointed to Bob Jewell, the marketing brains behind the book that also became a movie. Small world! Jewell gave me a copy of The Mulligan—Everyone Needs a Second Chance in Golf and in Life, by Wally Armstrong and Ken Blanchard. (Read my review. I named it Book #64 of 100 on my must-read list.)
Had The Mulligan been written before 1998, I’m sure John Vawter would have included it in Uncommon Graces. Over the years since Vawter and I were in seminary together, we met only once in 1986 at a Leadership Network retreat with Peter Drucker in Estes Park, Colo. (Read more about Peter Drucker here and click here for the memorable story Drucker shared.)
NO EAGLES! Just this month—38 years since connecting with John Vawter in person—we golfed together and I was able to thank him personally for writing this powerful and convicting book. And no…I’m not revealing my golf score, but I did lose (not find) two new golf balls in the water!
TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for Uncommon Graces: Christlike Responses to a Hostile World, by John Vawter.
2) Vawter writes, “Too often we duck such confrontations. We ‘enable’ our friends in their wrong behavior and attitudes in the name of mercy or tolerance. But mercy, tolerance, and enabling are distinct from each other. POP QUIZ! Define each word (answers: pages 165-166).
BONUS! For more on the power of grace, read my review of Grace Ambassador: Bringing Heaven to Earth, by John Jackson.
Mastering 100 Must-Read Books
Part 18: The Final Four
Book #97 of 100: A Tale of Three Kings
For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by spotlighting Book #97 in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.
A Tale of Three Kings:
A Study in Brokenness
by Gene Edwards
Books #97 through #100 spotlight “the final four” books in this recommended volume of 100 must-read books. My suggestion: give this book to someone who’s just been fired! (Really.)
• Read my review.
• Order from Amazon.
• Listen on Libro (1 hour, 42 minutes)
• Download the 100 Must-Read Books list (from John and Jason Pearson).
David complained to the Lord that King Saul was hardly God-honoring—so why should he honor and respect this tyrant king? Sound familiar? “Why did I get fired? My boss is the jerk, not me. Lord, this isn’t fair!”
Gene Edwards is a master storyteller and this classic unwraps the relationships between David, Saul and Absalom. His conclusions may astound you. It’s a great book to mention at your weekly staff meeting.
BONUS! Read why Bob Lonac has read this book three times!
Song #38 of 45: "Heart of Glass"
Listen to “Heart of Glass,” by Blondie, Song #38 of 45 in our blog series, Johnny Be Good. LOL! Our guest blogger, aka “Production Guy,” gets a little carried away on this blog—and seems to favor machinery over music.
Reminder: Guest bloggers invited! More info here.
Corporate Boards vs. Church Boards
“Perhaps the most important difference between corporate governance and church board leadership is the task of discernment.” That’s from Book #3 of 3, in the Transforming Church Boards series, by Dennis Baker, David C. Fisher, and John Vawter (also author of Uncommon Graces above). Read my review. And for more book reviews, visit the Pails in Comparison Blog.
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