Issue No. 578 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting suggests you skip all the opinions on how to build trust and, instead, read this data-drenched new book, How Trust Works. And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), click here for over 575 book reviews, and click here for my review of A Failure of Nerve in 52 Weeks: A Yearlong Leadership Planner.
True or False? The rock bank Van Halen mandated, “There will be no brown M&M’s in the backstage area, upon pain of forfeiture of the show with full compensation.”
Sorry! Can’t Help You! I’m Scheduled for a Talk on the Good Samaritan.
Has someone broken your trust recently? Or maybe years ago? Does that injustice still sting? Do you tend to trust people initially—or must people earn your trust? Do people trust you?
You may recall the classic trust test by the 1970s rock band Van Halen. Their detailed contract with concert promoters included numerous requirements (contract “riders”) for sound and lighting, setup, security, and nutritional requests for the band and crew. But…could the bank trust the promoters to meet the detailed requirements—often involving safety issues?
“…as a little test, the band included in the technical aspect of the rider, in the middle of nowhere, a clause starting, ‘There will be no brown M&M’s in the backstage area, upon pain of forfeiture of the show with full compensation.’ This additional clause provided an easy way for the band to gauge whether the promoter had bothered to read the contract.”
Their thinking on trust: if the band saw brown M&M’s it likely meant they hadn’t read the detailed contract and, wrote lead singer David Lee Roth, “Guaranteed you’d run into a problem. Sometimes it would threaten to just destroy the whole show. Something like, literally, life threatening.”
But not so fast writes Peter Kim, a professor of management and organization at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business. He explains why in “Chapter 4, “Sowing the Seeds of Our Frustration,” in his new book,
The Science of How Relationships Are Built, Broken, and Repaired
by Peter H. Kim, Ph.D.
Kim’s deep research “concerns the dynamics of social misperception, with a particular focus on the violation and repair of trust.” Interestingly, he pushes back on Van Halen’s M&M methodology, writing that there was no data to show that the band’s trust test was effective. Maybe…mistakes and missed safety precautions might have occurred anyway even if the “no brown M&M’s” clause had been followed. Why? “…because the band’s sampling methods were inherently skewed. Rock and roll doesn’t train you to be a social scientist.”
This deep dive into all-things-trust (the research is stunning) was eye-opening. I’ve read helpful books on trust and how to repair trust, but I had to trust the opinions and worldviews of the authors. Dr. Kim’s work—dare I say it—is more trustworthy because his trust experiments (dozens!) deliver the data. Fascinating and helpful.
Example: Reflecting on the M&M’s scenario, Kim wondered if the band’s “hidden gotcha” clause “may have simply been to promote misunderstandings and mistrust through these encounters.” So he created a trust experiment. “I tested the possibility by creating different versions of a short-term contract people use to rent vacation homes.” He asked, “participants to play the role of a property owner who had rented their home to a tenant.” You’ll have to read the results in Chapter 4, but note this: “Thus, one consequence of this hidden clause approach is that it can ultimately lead us to place less trust in others than they might deserve.”
Trust me (sorry). While reading this book, news headlines will jump off the page at you—as you relate the findings of How Trust Works to your daily life. Will you trust people more or less? Will you be more trustworthy? What’s the science behind how relationships are built, broken, and repaired? How do your own values and worldview affect trust? (And, LOL, do you trust the researchers? Read this WSJ article, "The Band of Debunkers Busting Bad Scientists.")
CHALLENGE. After just one read (I don’t speed read) through this stimulating book, I clearly have much to learn. So rather than summarize the book for you (and possibly misinterpret the data)—I want to tantalize you to read it for yourself. Thus—here’s a True or False pop quiz. Did the author write the following?
TRUE OR FALSE POP QUIZ
[ ] True or False? 1) “I don’t think repairing trust is always feasible or even the best option. In fact, if someone violates trust, my sense is that efforts to repair it without first addressing the causes and consequences of what happened can be a recipe for disaster.”
[ ] True or False? 2) In a classic study (noted in Chapter 5, “The Seduction of Simplistic Stories”), Princeton theology students were asked to walk to a nearby building and give a talk on the Good Samaritan (see Luke 10). The psychologists varied the travel time urgency for three groups. “Along the way, the students encountered a shabbily dressed person slumped by the side of the road, clearly in need of help.” How many stopped to help?
• Just 63% stopped to help in the study’s “low hurry” group
• 45% stopped to help in the study’s “medium hurry” group
• 10% stopped to help in the study’s “high hurry” group
[ ] True or False? 3) In Chapter 3, “The Problem With Apologies,” Peter Kim notes the differences between “integrity-based violations” and “competency-based violations”—and whether apologies or denials enhance trust. In a series of experiments, his research team asked participants to watch different versions of videotaped job interviews for a tax accountant position. The result: “When the violation concerned matters of competence, participants were more inclined to trust and hire the candidate when she responded with an apology [rather] than a denial. However, when the violation concerned matters of integrity, this pattern was completely reversed. People were far more inclined to trust and hire the candidate when she denied, rather than apologized for, the violation.”
[ ] True or False? 4) “The second factor that can affect people’s initial trust in those they do not know can be found in each one of us. Studies have found that many of us are fundamentally predisposed to trust others due to our personality traits.”
[ ] True or False? 5) One set of studies “has found that we can consider as many as ten characteristics when evaluating a person’s trustworthiness.” They include: availability, competence, consistency, discreetness, fairness, integrity, loyalty, openness, promise fulfillment, and receptivity.
[ ] True or False? 6) In Chapter 2, “When Trust Is Broken,” the author discusses a field study of ten private day care centers. Two economists looked at the problem of parents who arrived late to pick up their children. “The researchers, therefore, sought to address this issue by imposing a monetary fine on the tardy parents. Yet rather than resolve this problem, the results revealed that the fine caused more than twice as many parents to show up late, because the monetary fine changed how parents viewed that behavior.” (The parents were no longer embarrassed to be late!)
[ ] True or False? 7) Dr. Kim’s field is an interdisciplinary domain called “organizational behavior” (blending psychology, sociology, and economics) and notes that the above late fee solution—“a shift in how the decision has been framed, in this case, from matters of ethics to business”—also demonstrates “how people can become less cooperative and honest when this shift occurs.” (Don’t skip the section about Pavlov’s dogs or the $25,000 military grant B.F. Skinner received to test the insertion of pigeons into the nose of a World War II bomber. Yikes.)
[ ] True or False? 8) In Chapter 6, “Your Balance Sheet is Broken,” Kim summarizes the credit/debit approach to repentance and punishment with this: “All these considerations ultimately explain why we gravitate so readily toward retribution. Even if most of us would like to believe we are fair and consistent, the evidence suggests that we are ultimately quite inconsistent in how we make judgments of others as compared to ourselves.”
[ ] True or False? 9) The author candidly quotes Michael Useem, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, who specializes in catastrophic risk management and corporate governance. Regarding the scandals at USC in recent years (Varsity Blues, School of Social Work, the School of Medicine dean, and more), Useem said, “I can’t think of anything close. . . There are very few examples where you’ve had so many different parts of a university affected at almost the same time.” Kudos to the author for calling out his own university. Yikes.
TRUE OR FALSE? (Read the book!) To order from Amazon, click on the title for How Trust Works: The Science of How Relationships Are Built, Broken, and Repaired, by Peter H. Kim, Ph.D. Listen on Libro (8 hours, 31 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.
YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS:
1) Warren Bennis wrote, “Trust is the emotional glue that binds followers and leaders together.” That's just one of dozens of quotations on trust from the book, Trust: The Firm Foundation for Kingdom Fruitfulness, by Dan Busby (1941-2022). Read my review. What’s your go-to theology for how trust works?
2) Stephen M.R. Covey (the son of Stephen R. Covey—see below) says that “leadership is getting results in a way that inspires trust.” His 13 behaviors tell you how to do that in The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything (read my review). Is it time for our team to read and wrestle with a book on building and repairing trust?
COMING! Stay tuned next issue for a related book on losing trust and “Losing Our Religion,” by Russell Moore, editor-in-chief of Christianity Today. Issue No. 579 will feature a Zoom Review on the book with two colleagues, Jerry Butler and David Schmidt.
Mastering 100 Must-Read Books - Part 8: Five Business Classics
Book #48 of 100: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by spotlighting Book #48 in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®
by Stephen R. Covey
Books #46 through #50 spotlight five memorable books I’ve labeled “Five Business Classics.” Perhaps Stephen Covey’s most memorable habit is the Time Management Matrix with the four quadrants:
• Urgent and Important
• Urgent and Not Important
• Not Urgent and Important
• Not Urgent and Not Important
Which quadrant consumes most of your time?
• Read my review.
• Order from Amazon: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®
• Listen on Libro (11 hours, 50 minutes).
• Download the 100 Must-Read Books list (from John and Jason Pearson).
Pop Quiz! At your next staff meeting, ask team members to list the seven habits from Stephen Covey’s book. Here’s a suggested script: “If you listed three habits or less, I have a Starbucks card for anyone who reads the book in the next three weeks—and shares an insight at a future staff meeting.”
“True leadership doesn’t develop overnight,” so the editors of A Failure of Nerve in 52 Weeks: A Yearlong Leadership Planner have crafted this very unique 52-week journey through the writings and mind of Edwin H. Friedman (1932-1996), who was an ordained rabbi and practicing family therapist. (Read my review.) The Anglican Theological Review, writing about the original book, A Failure of Nerve, noted: “Placed on the scales with every other book on leadership in the last ten years…it would outweigh them all.” And for more book reviews, visit the Pails in Comparison Blog.
The 4 Big Mistakes Board Seminar
Oct. 12: Irvine, Calif.
The Barnabas Group in Orange County, Calif., is hosting a half-day seminar for nonprofit CEOs and board members. On Oct. 12, John Pearson and Mike Pate will present “The 4 Big Mistakes to Avoid With Your Nonprofit Board: How Leaders Enrich Their Ministry Results Through God-Honoring Governance.” Contact TBG/OC for more info about this free seminar. Can’t attend? Order the 107-page workbook from Amazon.
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PEARPOD | TELLING YOUR STORY. Do your stakeholders, customers, donors, and the public TRUST you? As you tell your story through eNewsletters, your website, and your videos—do people trust the validity of your claims? Without research and data, you may be deluding yourself. We can help. Contact Jason Pearson at Pearpod (Design, Digital, Marketing, Social).
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