Issue No. 574 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting discusses the “Never Enough” cult and how money and workaholism intersect. And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), click here for over 550 book reviews, and click here for my review of Madison Avenue Makeover: The Transformation of Huge and the Redefinition of the Ad Agency Business.
Are you on the “Hamster Wheel of Never Enough?” Read why Manisha Thakor, at age 50, “had nothing to show for it except the privilege of a potential early retirement—a scenario that filled me with dread, because if I stopped working now that would mean I could no longer hide behind my work. I’d have to finally start living. It was all I ever wanted. It was everything I feared.” Note: If you need a hamster wheel, click here!
Gut Check on Workaholism! (Who me?)
Here’s a book about money—but it’s really about workaholism and much more. And here’s a gut check for you.
CHECK ONE:
[ ] Workaholism is not my problem. I will readily share this book’s message with my spouse and/or my accountability partner.
[ ] Workaholism is not my problem—but I will not share this review with anyone. (They would just meddle and who has time for that?)
[ ] Gulp. Maybe I am a workaholic. Maybe I should read this book.
MoneyZen: The Secret to Finding Your "Enough"
by Manisha Thakor
This thin book has a deep message, but if the publisher had asked me—I would have dropped the “zen” reference in the title and suggested these options:
• The Cult of Never Enough: Workaholism and Money
• The New House of Worship: The Office
• Money and Workaholism: The Hamster Wheel Syndrome
• Self-Worth = Net Worth: Wear That Busy Badge Proudly!
The author, a wealth advisor and expert on balancing financial health with emotional health, confesses: “For a long time, I had viewed my work addiction solely through the lens of money. That my obsession was driven by a net worth = self-worth mindset, and the faulty belief that the more money I earned, the more valuable I was as a human being. But I can now see that money was never even the true focal point.”
She quotes a financial therapist and coach. “Often, in money therapy, it isn’t really about the money, it’s about getting to: What is it that money represents for you? And for a lot of people, shame really cuts to the core.”
The author resonated with these insights and “had been silently making mental checkmarks” during the money therapy session.
• “I have long believed that something is wrong with me (check);
• I don’t feel whole (check);
• I try to fill that emptiness with work (double check).”
Manisha Thakor’s father, the CFO “of a Fortune 500 company, came from a well-educated Indian family.” Her “blond-haired, blue-eyed mother was a vibrant college professor” from upstate New York. The family visited her father’s family in India every year—and saw the gamut of both wealth and poverty—but she didn’t learn her misguided values from her family. (Her transparent story, including failures, is insightful.) Yet, she succumbed to misplaced priorities:
• She skipped her grandmother’s funeral “because I was too busy with some project, the content of which I can’t even recall today.”
• When her then husband almost lost his leg in a motorcycle accident in Nevada, she focused on her work in a San Francisco hotel room while her husband recovered alone in his hospital bed. She reasoned: “The surgery was successful. You still have your leg. You’re in pain, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Writing about “Flawed Self-Worth Anchors,” the author reflects on her “four-digit” handbag collection when she worked in high-net-worth finance. She notes that any purse “that dared to cost over $1,000” was how she signaled her worth to her “flock.”
Eventually, after moving with her husband from Houston to Santa Fe—and installing hooks for her nearly $20,000 collection of handbags in her spacious closet—she had a wake-up call. Her “Wall of Shame purses could have fed a family of four in the U.S. for an entire year” or could have purchased 150 suits to empower women worldwide through the Dress for Success program.
So why should you read this book about the cult of “Never Enough?” I found it helpful in two areas: money and workaholism. I’ve detailed my own struggle with workaholism here (Buckets, Chapter 9) and here (Mistake-Making #20). I find that revisiting—and staying alert—about addictions can be beneficial. Perhaps this book will be a good reminder for you. Thakor’s robust 14 pages of notes includes many helpful resources, such as:
• “The Twenty Questions” from Workaholics Anonymous (W.A. adds: “If you answered ‘yes’ to three or more of these questions, you may be a workaholic. Relax. You are not alone. Many have found recovery through the W.A. fellowship.”)
• The Harvard Business Review article: “How Being a Workaholic Differs from Working Long Hours — and Why That Matters for Your Health”
And is there more to learn about money management and the cult of “Never Enough”—and its relationship to shame and workaholism? Absolutely—and the author delivers practical and probing questions and comments for both over-spenders and over-workers.
• Instead of “Do What You Love,” why you should “Be What You Love.”
• Why “baby steps” for workaholics actually work! (List the steps on your to-do list, since workaholics love to-do lists.)
• The literal “come to Jesus” moment when a husband discovered that all his eggs were in the financial wealth basket leaving him, along with his wife, “void of emotional wealth.” (He began attending church!)
• Consider “Joy-Based Spending”—a practice the author has been teaching for a decade, especially to those in their 20s and 30s. Three tools: 1) Do a Joy Audit, 2) Do an Hourly Wage Test, and 3) Take a Photo.”
• “If you won $10 million in the lottery and, on the same day, were told you had only ten years left to live, what would you start doing and what would you stop?”
Note: The chapter titles are very compelling and you will definitely finish this short book (thin, just 167 pages, plus resources). Note: To discern the veracity of the occasional “zen” references, I would encourage readers and leaders to study what aligns—and does not align—with the following theological frameworks. Consider:
• Saint Augustine: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
• Jesus: “I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” (John 10:10)
• Tolstoy: How Much Land Does A Man Need (Note: just $1.99 currently for this Kindle Edition, this short story is by Leo Tolstoy, the author of War and Peace.)
• Jesus: “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21)
The Apostle Paul, in Philippians 4, also weighs in: “Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”
Again (my opinion), the “zen” references distract from the author’s important message, but I believe you’ll find numerous insights that will align with your values, such as:
• “Making money your god is the fastest route to misery and self-absorption.”
• Dr. Kate Levinson, a psychotherapist, explains why she took a year’s sabbatical from buying “stuff.”
• Slow down? “Even in our downtime, we’re listening to podcasts (at 2x speed) while getting in a workout.”
• The cheery admonitions to “follow your passion!” and “find a job that you love!” can be damaging. The author quotes a writer, “Our desks were never meant to be our altars.” (See also God Loves Your Work.)
• Consider the “slower lane.” As Elizabeth Gilbert memorably wrote, “You are not a Future 500 company. You don’t have to show increasing profits.”
• “For years, I treated Saturday and Sunday as bonus workdays…” Now, the author says “…using weekends to rest is a gift.” (See also Sen. Joe Lieberman’s book on the sabbath and Steve Macchia’s book, Crafting a Rule of Life.)
PRISON! Finally, in the chapter on “The Liberation of Enough,” Manisha Thakor reminds us: “But Never Enough cult members like me tend to turn money (and its bedfellows prestige and accomplishments) into an addiction, a competition, or a crutch. Instead of being an agent of freedom, money becomes a prison.”
And speaking of prison, see below for my review of Lessons from San Quentin, plus read what Harvard’s Clayton Christensen warned about in his year-end lecture to Harvard students. He asked, “How can I be sure that…I live a life of integrity—and stay out of jail?” (Read more.)
To order from Amazon, click on the title for MoneyZen: The Secret to Finding Your "Enough” by Manisha Thakor. Listen on Libro (6 hours, 48 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.
YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS:
1) In addition to the author’s approach to “Joy-Based Spending,” how could we enrich its meaning with Cameron Doolittle’s Joy Giving aspirations? (Read my review.)
2) In the counter-cultural book, The God Guarantee: Finding Freedom From the Fear of Not Having Enough, Jack Alexander quotes Dallas Willard, “Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning.” Alexander then shares how he went from “my time, my talent, my treasure, my assets” to understanding there was more “me” in that approach—“and not a lot of God.” Do you have enough yet?
3) In Chapter 9, “The Team Bucket,” in Mastering the Management Buckets, I describe my own wake-up call about workaholism. So to set boundaries, I began using Worksheet #9.1, “The 21 Time Blocks: Toward a God-honoring Balanced Life.” Later, after very helpful counseling, I learned what was fueling my addiction. Today? “Hello. My name is John and I’m a workaholic.” What's your story?
4) John Maxwell waited until age 60 to write one of his books. Do you think the author's story will be different at age 60 (10 years from now)? (P.S. Want more money insights? Check out "The Money Couple's" books.)
Mastering 100 Must-Read Books - Part 7: The Contrarian Thinkers
Book #44 of 100: Lessons From San Quentin
For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by spotlighting Book #44 in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.
Lessons from San Quentin:
Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned in Prison
by Bill Dallas with George Barna
Books #41 through #45 spotlight five unique authors I’ve labeled “Contrarian Thinkers.” Trendspotter George Barna teams up with Bill Dallas for this book. Dallas describes his wake-up call on character development and the defining life lessons he learned from five years at San Quentin.
• Read my review.
• Order from Amazon: Lessons from San Quentin
• Listen on Libro (5 hours, 24 minutes)
• Download the 100 Must-Read Books list (from John and Jason Pearson).
Here’s a snippet: “San Quentin dislodged my perception of the church as an institution and redefined it as a unified group of sinners who were so thrilled to be accepted by God that they accepted everyone who wanted to join them on the journey. Their emphasis was love, not rules; character, not attendance; spiritual fruit, not information retention.”
“In ‘Sinners Anonymous,’ blogger R. Brad White calls AA a place of ‘healing, support, encouragement, and accountability’ and asks why this description does not apply to more churches. Perhaps if we renamed our congregations ‘Sinners Anonymous’ or ‘First Church of Sinners,’ he writes, this would assist us in making them feel more like AA.” Read my review of Why Can't Church Be More Like an AA Meeting? And Other Questions Christians Ask About Recovery, by Stephen R. Haynes. And for more book reviews, visit the Pails in Comparison Blog.
The 4 Big Mistakes Board Seminars:
Sept. 29: San Diego
Oct. 12: Irvine, CA
The Barnabas Groups in San Diego and Orange County are hosting seminars for nonprofit CEOs and board members. On Oct. 12, John Pearson and Mike Pate will present “The 4 Big Mistakes to Avoid With Your Nonprofit Board: How Leaders Enrich Their Ministry Results Through God-Honoring Governance.” Contact TBG/OC for more info about the Oct. 12 seminar. John is also presenting the seminar on Sept. 29 in San Diego for TBG/San Diego. Can’t attend? Order the 107-page workbook from Amazon.
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PEARPOD | TELLING YOUR STORY. Does “Hamster Wheel” aptly describe the culture for your communications and marketing team? It doesn’t have to be that way. Learn from other pros how they leverage tools, deadlines, and clarity to exceed goals and still have a life! Need help? Contact Jason Pearson at Pearpod (Design, Digital, Marketing, Social).
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