Issue No. 556 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting warns—anxiety comes with every leadership role. But there’s good news—read on. And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), click here for over 550 book reviews, and click here for my recent review of The Screwtape Letters and the movie, Nefarious.
The author of The Anxious Achiever struggled with Imposter Syndrome and feelings of inadequacy. She discovered she was not alone!
“Anxiety Comes With the Job”
Oh, my! If you are not currently anxious or struggling with an anxiety disorder, then read The Anxious Achiever—and, with opened eyes, you may be in for a big surprise. (Just kidding…or not?) Read this.
Morra Aarons-Mele writes, “When I was the head of marketing at an international company, every Thursday I felt nauseous and developed a migraine, plus I was exhausted because I couldn’t sleep the night before. It took me a long time to realize that the lunchtime staff meetings I had to run on Thursdays triggered terrible feelings of performance anxiety, imposter syndrome, and social jitters.”
She adds, “My body was broadcasting the news, but I hadn’t yet learned to connect my physical experiences to my emotional landscape.”
Whew. Morra Aarons-Mele is one very transparent author. And this is one very important book. In just 86 revealing pages, “Getting to Know Your Anxiety” distinguishes anxiety from fear (per the American Psychological Association). And—get this—“Do you ever find yourself micromanaging, or redoing others’ work because it’s not up to your standards? These are just a few of the many ways that anxiety can show up at work and affect our well-being and effectiveness.” (Now…she’s just meddling!)
In the next 135 pages, “A Leader’s Tool Kit for Managing Anxiety at Work,” the author serves up seven challenges (with solutions) that are common to many leaders who struggle with anxiety. (Note: This is a book for leaders.) And, by the way, have you slowed down enough to observe how your anxiety affects your team members? So how many of these seven topics should you read more about?
CHECK 1 OR MORE:
• Negative Self-Talk
• Thought Traps
• Unhelpful Reactions and Bad Habits
• Perfectionism
• Control
• Feedback, Criticism, and Imposter Syndrome
• Social Anxiety
Using dozens of in-the-trenches stories and interviews from her podcast, The Anxious Achiever, Morra Aarons-Mele’s book is so down-to-earth. She writes, “In early 2021 I was asked to join a prestigious, invite-only group for business authors. This was the kind of company that triggered instant imposter syndrome. Bestselling writers, household names, mega TED speakers, even a four-star general . . . you get the idea. When I wrote an email to introduce myself to the group, I confessed that even saying hello created intense anxiety. To my delight, one of the group’s most prestigious members replied, ‘Feeling imposter syndrome is a qualification to be in this group.’”
Based on the notes I made for this review, I could easily write two or three reviews. I compiled seven stunning “hooks” to use in the first paragraph—but had to pick just one. The other nominees:
• THE LIE. “Everything leadership gurus say about bringing your whole self to work or leading with empathy and authenticity is a lie until we talk about our experiences with anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, suicidal ideation, or whatever other mental health challenges are affecting us."
• WORLD LEADERS. When she asked a Harvard Business School prof “how many of the legendary leaders she studies—people like Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and John Lewis—dealt with anxiety and depression, she said, without missing a beat, ‘The vast majority.’”
• DRINK IT AWAY? “Anxiety comes with the job. You will be dealing with anxiety in one way or another, directly or indirectly, on a daily basis. So the only effective approach is to become skilled in managing it and to even use it to your advantage. As much as we may want to make anxiety disappear, the answer is not to try to wish it away, work it away, drink it away, exercise it away, or hide, deny, or suppress it away.”
“Minimize brainstorming,” suggests Morra Aarons-Mele when managing the room on team video calls. “Brainstorming can trigger social anxiety and can freeze up introverts.” Click here to view the four-minute video, “3 Steps to Stop Remote Work Burnout,” in the TED series, “The Way We Work.”
• BAD RAP. “…I would be the first to say that anxiety has gotten a bad rap, and that trying to eradicate or eliminate it—or any other difficult emotion for that matter—will ultimately undermine your leadership and your mental health. If you’re anxious by nature, this is just part of who you are.”
• OFFICE JOKE. “We often joke that our offices are like families . . . large, dysfunctional families.” The author notes the Bowen family systems theory that “the bulk of the problems we experience in adulthood stem from the negative ways we learned to manage stress and anxiety in our families of origin.”
• MISTAKES. “I had an ‘Aha!’ moment a few years ago when my kindergartener told me that he’d learned a big lesson in school that day. He proudly relayed, ‘When I make a mistake, my brain grows! So it’s a good thing to make mistakes.’” [Amen!]
• I’M A LOSER! One of four techniques the author cites from Russ Harris, “one of the world’s experts on ACE” (adverse childhood experiences), is when feedback or criticism sparks anxious feelings, “Type your negative thought on your computer in big, bold font:
Note: Harris also suggests three other hilarious responses to negative self-talk:
• “Identify the negative thought that tends to hook you repeatedly—for example, ‘I’m incompetent’—and replace it with “I’m a banana.” Repeat that 100 times and your imposter syndrome feelings will lose their punch!
• “To the tune of the ‘Happy Birthday’ song, sing your negative thought, either in your mind or aloud.”
• “Repeat your negative thought in the voice of a cartoon character, a movie star, or a character from your favorite TV show or meme.” (Suggestions: a Monty Python character or Alvin the chipmunk!)
ANY GOOD NEWS, JOHN? Yes! I was skeptical that I could “turn my biggest fears into my leadership superpower,” but this book is very convincing and convicting. Not easy—but doable. But thanks to this book, I am on a new path in the way I think about anxious moments and anxiety—for myself and others. (See also my intro to The Team Bucket in Mastering the Management Buckets and see Mistake #20 in my “mistake” book to learn what I learned from a gifted counselor. Plus, read my review of Anxiety at Work.)
MORE INSIGHTS:
• How to identify your triggers.
• The list of 54 emotions—to ensure you “go beyond the obvious to identify exactly what you’re feeling.” (Read the HBR article by Susan David here and take her free five-minute "Emotional Agility Quiz" here.)
• How to be your own “detective” with a “Quick and Easy Body Scan.” Did you know that “physical tells can function like the check-engine light in our cars: they’re the early warning sign that anxiety is taking over.”
• 10 Thought Traps, including: All-or-Nothing Thinking, Catastrophizing, Discounting the Positive, and Ruminating and Overthinking.
• Why the chief talent officer at Ford Motor Company “once held a failure party with one of his teams, complete with a DJ.” (It was about wringing “every single learning we can out of this catastrophe…”)
• Why the author froze at a book signing talk—and why she didn’t do keynotes for another four years after that!
• 14 signs of imposter syndrome—and why you should keep a “clip file” of your accomplishments and feel-good letters and emails.
• Oh…and don’t skip the helpful charts and tables, such as “Break a Bad Habit and Make Progress at Work.”
Good News! Your anxious feelings and/or deep anxiety can become your strengths!
To order from Amazon, click on the title for The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower, by Morra Aarons-Mele. Listen on Libro (8 hours, 54 minutes). And thanks to Harvard Business Review Press for sending me a review copy.
YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS:
1) What? Professional golfers also have anxiety and depression? Watch for my May review of Feherty: The Remarkably Funny and Tragic Journey of Golf's David Feherty, by John Feinstein. (If you can’t wait until May, then read this review from the WSJ.) OK, team—let’s get real. How prevalent is “imposter syndrome” in our organization—and what effect is it having?
2) “Deliver me from all fretfulness,” writes John Baillie in his morning prayer for the 27th day of the month. (Read the prayer here. Order A Diary of Private Prayer here.) The Apostle Paul writes in the letter to the Philippians (Eugene Peterson called it "Paul's happiest letter”), “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.” Share with the team your daily routine to push back against “Negative Self-Talk” and pesky “Thought Traps.” Need encouragement? Sing along to “He Will Hold Me Fast.”
3) Delegate your reading! Here are 5 related books. Ask 5 team members to each read 1 book and enrich lifelong learning with a 10-minute overview each week (5-minute summary and 5-minute discussion): 1) Anxiety at Work. 2) Fearless. 3) Jump. 4) Serve Strong. 5) Necessary Endings.
Mastering 100 Must-Read Books - Part 4: The Mount Rushmore of Leadership Legends
Book #27 of 100: Good to Great
For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by spotlighting Book #27 in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.
Good to Great:
Why Some Companies Make the Leap…and Others Don’t
by Jim Collins
Books #22 through #40 spotlight 19 books I named to “The Mount Rushmore of Leadership Legends” group—featuring Patrick Lencioni, Jim Collins, Ken Blanchard, and Peter Drucker. Part 4 features four books by Collins, including this bestseller from 2001. Warning! It’s possible that any team members still in school in 2001 are faking it when they pretend to know what the “hedgehog concept” is all about—and why it matters.
• Read my review.
• Order from Amazon: Good to Great
• Listen on Libro (9 hours, 58 minutes)
• Download the 100 Must-Read Books list (from John and Jason Pearson)
Is it possible that you often throw around Collins lingo—and some team members nod knowingly, while others feign understanding? Can they finish the paragraph when you talk about a Good to Great or Built to Last concept?
• The Hedgehog Concept
• Clock Building, Not Time Telling
• Level 5 Leadership
• BHAG
• The Bus
• The Stockdale Paradox
• Greatness at the Cleveland Orchestra
• The Flywheel
• The 3 Circles: Passion, Competence and Your Economic Engine (and what is different in the social sector)
If you serve in, or serve on the board of, a nonprofit—you'll also appreciate Good to Great and the Social Sectors: Why Business Thinking is Not the Answer. (It’s just 35 pages.)
Church Boardroom Bloopers!
News Flash! There’s way too much confusion in the trenches on the appropriate roles and responsibilities of church board members. New church board members are often overwhelmed. (“No one told me!”) Veteran board members have turned micro-managing into an art form, and senior pastors often use the mushroom management approach (Google it!).
Click here to read a summary of Lessons From the Church Boardroom: 40 Insights for Exceptional Governance, by Dan Busby and John Pearson. Click here to read guest bloggers discuss the book.
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IQ, EQ, and Now…XQ!
Yikes! Morra Aarons-Mele (above) writes with stunning transparency. Apparently author Soren Kaplan got the same memo! He is also very, very transparent and his personal examples and vulnerability are prompts for searching your own soul.
Read his 2023 book, Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs. Read my review here—and for more book reviews, visit the Pails in Comparison Blog.
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PEARPOD | TELLING YOUR STORY. Do print and online storytelling deadlines ramp up the anxiety on your team? The Anxious Achiever lists “telltale signs” that you may be micromanaging your team. “…you insist on being cc’d on everything; you tell team members to run everything by you; you assign yourself to projects that don’t need your input; you refuse to delegate…” Wanna talk? Contact Jason Pearson at Pearpod (Design, Digital, Marketing, Social).
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