Issue No. 549 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting highlights eight common workplace triggers that push team members into their silos. You’ll need to order two books! And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), click here for over 500 book reviews, and click here for my review of Grace Ambassador. (Plus, listen to Episode 2 of The Discerning Leader Podcast below.)
Order 2 Copies! Do It Now!
Honest. You’ll thank me if you STOP what you’re doing right now and order two copies of Rising Together. Really. Do it now.
Why? Author Sally Helgesen, a noted leadership coach and Thinkers 50 Hall of Fame member, warns that there are eight triggers in the workplace that “are the prime reasons men and women end up retreating to gender silos, narrowing their experience and depriving themselves of useful connections.”
She writes, “The emphasis in universities in recent years on encouraging people to shield themselves and others from potential triggers does a huge disservice to students who will soon find themselves in a workplace where the ability to deal with a range of people is expected and required.”
She encourages us to address the triggers (don’t retreat) and “build fruitful relationships with those we perceive as different from ourselves.” Easy to say, but how? After explaining the nature of triggers, Helgesen uses in-the-trenches workplace stories, with insightful color commentary, on not just the problem—but how real people (bosses, senior leaders, interns, middle managers, and new hires) are building healthier workplaces. The triggers:
• Trigger 1: Visibility
• Trigger 2: Managing Perceptions
• Trigger 3: Confidence and Competence
• Trigger 4: What Are You Trying to Say?
• Trigger 5: It’s Not Fair
• Trigger 6: The Grapevine and the Network
• Trigger 7: That’s Not Funny!
• Trigger 8: Attraction, the Uncomfortable Bits
Wait a minute! “Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace” sounds like it might be secret code for wokeness—the usual DEI talking points. Right?
Wrong! In discussing the “global spread of D&I (now DEI) initiatives and departments over the last twenty-five years,” the author notes that “…the relationship between diversity and inclusion is often misunderstood. For example, I frequently hear leaders describe diversity as their ‘goal.’ This makes little sense. Diversity is not an aspiration or an objective, it is a reality: it defines the nature of the global talent pool from which organizations large and small must draw. Inclusion by contrast is the only sustainably useful method for leading people who have historically stood outside the mainstream.”
For emphasis, Helgesen repeats this distinction twice on one page (so we’ll get it!): “So diversity describes the nature of the situation, while inclusion describes the means by which the situation can most effectively be managed and led.”
Frankly, because this is still such a hot and controversial topic, I wanted to find a reason not to read this book—and especially not to recommend it. But I couldn’t put it down—and Rising Together may be on my final list of the Top-10 books of 2023.
I began by sampling the chapter, “Trigger 7: That’s Not Funny!” Did you know that Tom Peters, of In Search of Excellence fame, has cut way back on using humorous quips when speaking? (Read why in the section, “Humor Gone Awry.”) And what should you do when your boss tells jokes that are inappropriate or just aren’t that funny? (I remember asking the new CEO of a charitable foundation what was different in his new role compared to his previous senior position at a large nonprofit. His response: “Now that I’m giving money away, everyone laughs at my jokes!”)
The author notes several helpful insights from the book Humor Seriously (read my review) on how to leverage appropriate humor to communicate vulnerability. This chapter also painfully reminded me of my inappropriate attempts at humor until a co-worker gave me some gutsy coaching. (See Mistake #14 in my book here.) Rising Together would have been helpful a few years back. Oh, my.
I so appreciate and trust Marshall Goldsmith’s work (his book on the 20 annoying workplace habits was my 2013 book-of-the-year). So I couldn’t ignore his foreword and his endorsement. Helgesen quotes Goldsmith frequently throughout the book, including this stunner: “There has probably never been a time in history when senior leaders were less racist and sexist than they are now. But there has also never been a time when more complaints are being lodged.”
Gratefully, Helgesen delivers a powerful one-two punch. She quotes the former CEO of a major health company who notes “that aha moments don’t amount to much if they don’t spur action and change behavior.” So his personal motto is:
Helgesen uses that memorable line to structure the content of Rising Together:
• Aha Moment: Part I: Eight Common Triggers
• Now What: Part II: A Culture of Belonging
Why am I urging you to order TWO books today? Because your team will want to go deep on the triggers and the “Now What?” next steps. Inspire your best synthesizer to read and report on Rising Together at your next weekly staff meeting. Then, perhaps, go deep for the next eight weeks—featuring one trigger per weekly meeting.
I made 46 notes (by page number) on the blank pages in the front of my book—and I could have doubled that number easily. Here’s a taste of this very helpful book:
VISIBILITY. “We feel triggered by people who struggle with visibility. If we have a talent for promoting ourselves, we may feel triggered by those who refuse to do so…” Helgesen believes that “successful careers are usually built on three legs: expertise, connections, and visibility. Of these, visibility is the least acknowledged.” (How intentional is your workplace in giving visibility to everyone—at every level?)
MEN NEVER ASK THIS! In workshops, the author is often asked, “How can I represent my achievements/claim credit for my successes without anyone thinking I’m self-centered/aggressive/too ambitious?” She adds, “I have never heard this question from a man.”
THE FALLACY OF OMNICOMPETENCE. Taking a page from the EQ literature on self-awareness, Helgesen describes people with “little sense of their own limitations,” a hazard described by Coach Jeffrey Hull as “the fallacy of omnicompetence.” Those with “I-have-all-the-skills mind-set” communicate a severe lack of humility and, says Hull, “those who lack humility do not inspire trust.” (This reminded me to re-read Andrew Murray’s classic, Humility, which declares: “Humility is the only soil in which the graces root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure.”)
And speaking of humility, in addition to several references to Alan Mullaly’s CEO stint at Ford (after Boeing), Helgesen reminds us of that hilarious SNL clip, “Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley” and his guest, Michael Jordan. (Click here for the 6 ½-minute video.)
View SNL’s Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley with guest Michael Jordan. This NBA star tells Stuart, “I’m blessed” and oh, my! Read this week’s WSJ article on the auction for “six Nike Air Jordan sneakers that Michael Jordan, His Airness himself, wore during the six NBA championship games the Chicago Bulls won in the 1990s.”
THERE’S MUCH, MUCH MORE:
• The popular mantras (such as “I gotta be me”) that “are often used as a license for unleashing our inner jerk.”
• On effective communication, the author asked a senior leader (a woman) what had been the key to her success. “Without hesitation she replied, ‘My ability to be concise.’”
• 7 pitfalls to avoid when communicating across generations (“Many younger people associate the phone with something gone wrong.”)
• 7 rules for acting and speaking as a professional (“Professionals don’t complain.”)
• “Bill Carrier notes that, in every network, people assume one of three roles: contributor, neutral, or threat.”
• Amy Gallo’s HBR article, “How to Approach an Office Romance (and How Not To)” with practical Dos and Don’ts.
PLUS:
• “Peter Drucker had a rule for himself: he was always the last to speak.”
• Why you should include “the squeaky wheels” in early discussions.
• Why Tom Peters “believes that ninety percent of our problems could be ameliorated if we hired for collegiality.” (And why some organizations are flipping their recruiting practices and asking “prospective hires about what community service they had done.”)
Helgesen concludes this important book by reminding all of us that “Culture is not HR’s job, or the leader’s job. It’s our job, regardless of the positional power we hold.”
And don’t miss Marshall Goldsmith’s compelling insights on the last page of the book. He offers “a great question for people who insist they have no interest in power, are unwilling to pursue it or proudly disdainful of those who do.” (Sorry…you’ll need to order the book to discover and leverage this question.)
To order from Amazon, click on the title for Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace, by Sally Helgesen. Listen on Libro (8 hours, 49 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.
YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS:
1) “Clarity doesn’t just happen,” writes Sally Helgesen in the chapter, “Trigger 4: What Are You Trying to Say?” In her workshops, she asks participants to write an intention statement in 30 seconds or less. (No buzzwords, verbiage, nonspecific abstractions, or generalities like “I seek to be an agent of transformation.”) Her exercise on pages 88-91 is worth the price of the book. She adds, “As Inc. magazine points out, buzzwords and jargon primarily serve to make smart people sound stupid.” Ready? Set? Go! Write, in “personally resonant and compelling language, what you most want to contribute to your job.”
2) Reading this book reminded me of Gov. Bill Haslam’s in-the-trenches comment in 2018 during his second term as Tennessee’s governor: “It was more than a little bit helpful to keep the phrase ‘created in the image of God’ in the back of my mind as I listened to someone criticize me or my policies.” When you’re criticized, what keeps you centered to avoid your attack mode?
Mastering 100 Must-Read Books - Part 2: Books-of-the-Year
Book #20 of 100:
The Best Question Ever
For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by spotlighting Book #20 in Mastering 100 Must-Read Books.
2 BOOKS!
The Best Question Ever
and
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets:
5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move
by Andy Stanley
Books #6 through #21 spotlight 16 books that I named the Book-of-the-Year from 2006 to 2020. After reading The Best Question Ever, we bought a case of these books and gave them to dozens of clients.
• Read my review.
• Order from Amazon: Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets
• Listen on Libro (4 hours, 4 minutes).
• Download the 100 Must-Read Books list (from John and Jason Pearson)
In 2007, Dick Towner and my wife, Joanne, urged me to read Pastor Andy Stanley’s poke-in-the-ribs, The Best Question Ever: A Revolutionary Approach to Decision-Making. When Dick and Joanne gang up on me, I had no choice—I read this powerful book. Stanley updated the book in 2014 (Ask It) and then in 2020, he added four more questions and gave us Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets. So what’s the best question ever?
and my future hopes and dreams,
what is the wise thing for me to do?”
John Joins Steve and Matt for Podcast Episode 2
Listen to The Discerning Leader Podcast as Steve Macchia and Matt Scott, from Leadership Transformations, and John Pearson dialogue on the 10 phases of a spiritual discernment process—from Steve’s book, The Discerning Life: An Invitation to Notice God in Everything (John’s 2022 Book-of-the-Year). Click here for Episode 2, "The Open-Hearted Approach (Phases 2, 3)" in Season 25, "A Process for Discernment" (March 2) - 41 minutes.
PEARPOD | TELLING YOUR STORY. Do your marketing and communication pieces reflect an organizational culture that seeks to bridge the huge divides in our world? If you’d like an honest outside assessment of your communication approach (branding, logos, images, website copy, and more), give us a call. We can help! Contact Jason Pearson at Pearpod (Design, Digital, Marketing, Social).
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