Issue No. 493 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting features two books and two women who courageously address deep issues with the good news of HOPE. And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), click here for almost 500 book reviews, and click here for the Mastering Mistake-Making webpage. (See Mistake #18 in the eNews link below.)
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” (Frederick Buechner)
2 Women. 2 Books. 1 Hope!
Our world faces deep and destructive problems. Sadness soars. What can one person do? I urge you to read about two women authors in this issue, Mary White and Diane Schnickels. They both tackle tough challenges—and balance truth-telling with hope. Stunning![ ] BOOK #1: Harsh Grief Gentle Hope: From the Agony of a Mother’s Greatest Loss on Earth, Comes the Divine Comfort and Hope From Heaven, by Mary White. (Order from Amazon.)
I read the first edition of this poignant true story on an airplane in 1995. I sobbed uncontrollably—alarming my seatmates. “On a dark spring night, Jerry and Mary White’s only son became the victim of a brutal homicide.”
Gratefully, Mary White released a new edition of her book just 12 months ago. I urge you to read it. The White family’s story is still tragic. Still unfathomable. And now in 2021, many others (perhaps you) are experiencing devastating loss exacerbated even more by Covid-19. Words fail us. Deep questions perplex us. This book helps. We need the deep faith and example of the Mary’s and Jerry’s to point us to Heaven’s comfort and hope.
So today, 25 years after first reading Harsh Grief, Gentle Hope—I thought I could sail through this new edition, write this review, and move on. Check. Check. Check.
Oh, my. Mary White’s poignant, soulful narrative of the loss of their son (Steve was 30 when his life was taken) touched me deeply even more in my rereading of this sad, but hopeful account. She writes:
“As this book goes into republishing, many things have changed in Jerry’s and my lives. The piercing, relentless grief of the early years has changed to frequent, comforting memories of Steve. Sorrow and tears still hit us as unexpected moments when something reminds us of Steve and our grievous loss. Tender music brings tears.”
She adds, “Steve’s last gift to me was a bouquet of tulips, and seeing them brings tears along with precious memories. I don’t think one day has passed since Steve’s death when I haven’t thought of him. Sometimes only briefly, but he is always close to my mind and heart. No parent can forget their child whether alive or dead.”
Mary’s husband, Jerry White, adds an “Afterword” to this comforting book and quotes Proverbs 14:13, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.”
The appendix reminds us, “We can’t practice for grief; we can’t take lessons to prepare for it. Loss comes, and we’re suddenly, unwillingly, underway in a sorrowful pilgrimage. All of our life experiences, and our relationship with the loved one, will determine how we grieve.”
They share 10 short “suggestions” (recognizing that “there is no right or wrong way to grieve”) that may help readers on the grief journey, including “Look Beyond People’s Words. Be willing to tolerate people who are less than helpful.” The wisdom is practical and deep.
The power of friendship oozes across the pages. Amazing friends. (Am I that kind of friend?) This book reminded me of another gem that Mary and Jerry White wrote in 2014, To Be a Friend: Building Deep and Lasting Relationships (read my review). They quote Walter Winchell’s poignant line, “A friend is one who walks in when others walk out.”
I’ve prayed for 10 months—to discern the right time to share this review with you. I pray you won’t need this wisdom now, but maybe a friend, colleague, or co-worker needs it now. Likely, we’ll all need it during our earthly journey.
If you, or a friend, or a family member needs encouragement today, listen to the soothing lyrics of "Come Ye Disconsolate," sung by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway. Click here.
Meditate on the soulful lyrics to "Come Yet Disconsolate." My favorite line: “Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.” Click here.
[ ] BOOK #2: A Woman's Journey: Healing from Domestic Abuse (Oasis Bible Study Book One: Restoring Hope and Dignity), by Diane Schnickels (Order from Amazon.)
Over the years, I’ve been so privileged to consult with leaders and board members of nonprofit organizations and churches. I’ve met women and men who care very deeply about niche problems. Many problems and injustices are so horrific that most people just walk by. Yet these leaders—called by God—stand in the gap. Their courage, their creativity, and their endurance is simply stunning—and I thank God for them.
Diane Schnickels, the founder of Living Waters of Hope, courageously said “yes” to addressing the “dark world of domestic abuse.” She was shocked to discover that “one in four women of faith are being negatively affected by this silent and destructive dynamic at some point in their life in America.” One in four!
And, sadly, she also discovered that “many churches are ill-equipped to guide these victims in a healthy way,” and “these women are being further harmed by churches.” She writes that “advice like ‘stay, pray, and submit’ to the husbands who are harmful cause these women to feel unheard, alone, and to fall deeper into despair.”
One result of her concern is this important Bible study/workbook.
How do you help someone suffering domestic abuse? Start by reviewing the resources in Diane Schnickels’ Oasis Bible Study. The “Power and Control Wheel” on page 29 (from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project) is heartbreaking, but so, so helpful. The 20 bullet points, “Symptoms of a Narcissistic Personality,” are revealing. Ditto the best and clearest definition of “gaslighting” I’ve ever read (page 33).
In addition to this 212-page workbook, the Living Waters of Hope website offers an abundance of resources for both individuals and churches. And good news! A second Oasis Bible Study is now available. Click on the title to order the second book in the series, Finding Truth and Strength.
SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL. Living Waters of Hope provides safe and confidential online Oasis Bible Study classes for women who want to go through the book with other women, especially sisters in the Lord. "We have three classes to choose from and women can join at any time, space permitting. There is a modest fee and scholarships are available to anyone in need." For more information and registration, click here.
If your church has inadequate resources for vulnerable women trapped in cycles of abuse (and perhaps a blind eye to the horrific problem), I urge you to provide this resource for the pastoral care team. Help women find hope:
Lamentations 3:21-24 (The Living Bible): “Yet there is one ray of hope: his compassion never ends. It is only the Lord’s mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his loving-kindness begins afresh each day. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I will hope in him.”
Your Weekly Staff Meeting Questions:
1) What niche or deep problem, or societal condition, has God called you to address?
2) What spiritual gifts have you been given to competently accomplish God’s plan? Do you feel guilty that you don’t care enough about everything—or are you faithful in doing your part of God’s work?
3) Do you agree with Frederick Buechner’s statement? “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” (Read more.)
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Mistake #18 of 25:
Not Understanding My Spiritual Gift Mix
Insights from Mastering Mistake-Making: My 25 Memorable Mistakes—And What I Learned, by John Pearson with Jason Pearson
Bruce Bugbee quotes a colleague: “Why are you doing what others can do—and leaving undone what only you can do?” (See Mistake #18 in Mastering Mistake Making.)
John’s Mistake #18: “While I was confident in my faith and my calling, in my early years I did not understand or appropriate the unique spiritual gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit to competently accomplish God’s plan. But…once I connected the theology with spiritual gifts-in-action, I got it!”
As John learned to leverage “The 3 Powerful S’s” to understand others and himself (Social Styles, Strengths, and Spiritual Gifts), he read several books, attended training sessions, completed a spiritual gifts assessment, and met with a coach. (Click here for a free self-guided spiritual gifts survey.)
When you and others experience tragedy, crisis, and grief, stop and look for people with God-given spiritual gifts—especially Helps, Hospitality, Mercy, and Discernment. They are equipped to minister to you and others competently and thoughtfully.
For Mistake #18, John recommends two books:
• Option #1: What You Do Best in the Body of Christ: Discover Your Spiritual Gifts, Personal Style and God-Given Passion (revised and expanded—with assessment tools and discussion questions), by Bruce Bugbee (Read the review.)
• Option #2: Discover Your Spiritual Gifts: The Easy-to-Use Guide That Helps You Identify and Understand Your Unique God-Given Spiritual Gifts (includes the bestselling spiritual gifts inventory), by C. Peter Wagner (Read the review.)
Click here to view the list of all 25 mistakes and read the introduction to Mastering Mistake Making. To order this book from Amazon, click on the title for Mastering Mistake-Making: My 25 Memorable Mistakes—And What I Learned (10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning Workbook), by John Pearson with Jason Pearson.
"MISTAKES ARE LIKE TUITION." Read the blog by Dr. Richard (Rick) Goossen, Chairman of The Entrepreneurial Leaders Organization (The ELO Network), "Have You Mastered the Craft of Making Mistakes?" And listen to George P. Wood's interview with John Pearson, "“How to Make Mistakes Well” on the Influence Podcast. And, if you live in Southern California, join John for the half-day board seminar on Nov. 18, 2021, hosted by The Barnabas Group/Orange County, “The 4 Big Mistakes to Avoid With Your Nonprofit Board – How Leaders Enrich Their Ministry Results Through God-Honoring Governance.” Details here.
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JASON PEARSON: UNEXPECTED CREATIVE. Your team has identified a need. You have the passion. You’ve been called by God to address that need. But…how will you thoughtfully craft your mission and message? Contact Pearpod Media (Design, Digital, Marketing, Social).
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