Issue No. 385 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting highlights the “softer side” of leadership—and this challenge: if you actually read some of the sections to your spouse (or a colleague), you are in the right lane. And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies) and on this page, check out my Top 10 Book Recommendations of 2017, and my Book-of-the-Year pick.
"Hello Marylou!"
Ken Blanchard suggests you read fewer books, but—get this—read a book four times because “…the gap between knowing and doing is probably wider than the gap between ignorance and knowledge.”
Today, I’m halfway through my second read of Eugene B. Habecker’s powerful new book, The Softer Side of Leadership: Essential Soft Skills That Transform Leaders and the People They Lead. First read: insightful and helpful. Second read: transformational. (I may run out of adjectives for the third and fourth read!)
Remember the toe-tapping Ricky Nelson classic, “Hello Mary Lou?” Click here to listen, but this warning: if you skip this two-minute break—read Chapter 4 first, “Stay Connected to the Heart,” or Chapter 6, “Cultivate Creativity.”
Why the “Mary Lou” reference? Gene Habecker invites his wife, Marylou, into several chapters—and Gene’s transparency is so, so refreshing. Example:
Reflecting on Frederick Buechner’s insights on how life batters leaders—prompting us to bury our true selves then “live out all the other selves, which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather…”—Habecker writes:
“…I can remember a very specific situation in which I was so bruised and battered by a particular leadership issue that I had functionally abdicated my presidential leadership assignment to an outside consultant. I remember walking around the block, complaining all the while about this to Marylou. Finally, she looked at me and simply said, ‘You need to go back upstairs and be the president.'” Hello Marylou!
Blind spots? Habecker says all leaders have blind spots. The problem: we’re blind to our own blind spots—and that creates frightening situations. He quotes Henri Nouwen in the important chapter, “Welcome Self-Discovery Learning.”
Nouwen: “…the house I had finally found had no floors…. It seemed as if a door to my interior life had been opened, a door that had remained locked during my youth and most of my adult life… The interruption…forced me to enter the basement of my soul and look directly at what was hidden there.”
So Habecker reflects on one blind spot: busyness. “When Marylou and I were on our last sabbatical, she threatened to give me an ‘F’ in Sabbatical because I found it was very hard to detach from work in the way Nouwen describes…” Hello Marylou!
Now here’s a gut check for you (no pun intended). One of the essential soft skills of leaders is addressed in the chapter, “Practice Consistent Fitness Renewal.” The dilemma: so much to do, so little time. Who has time for fitness renewal?
Gene and Marylou were discussing John 17:4, “I have brought glory to you here on earth by doing everything you gave me to do.” Habecker notes, “I focused on ‘doing everything,’ and eagerly launched into my speech about needing to be better organized, more productive, and more effective so I could get more done. Frankly, my ‘to-do’ list was already becoming unmanageable. Marylou patiently listened, then she quietly, but importantly, reminded me that I had missed one part of the main teachings of the verse.
“She focused on the words, ‘you gave me to do.’ As she explained it, based on this verse and others, our priority work ought to be focused not on everything that could be done, but rather on what God has specifically given or called us to do. And that is the agenda that becomes our priority. Not my agenda, but His agenda.” Hello Marylou!
In addition to the “Hello Marylou” interludes, you will deeply appreciate this one-of-a-kind Leadership 401 grad school course on the softer side of leadership (never taught and rarely caught). Habecker’s diligent work is easy-to-read on a challenging-to-live topic:
• Each chapter includes a summary page, “The Chapter Idea.”
• Each chapter concludes with “Putting the Idea to Work.”
• A final “To Summarize” paragraph nails the big ideas.
Certain themes will resonate with certain leaders. Some of us are blessed with “Marylou’s” in our lives (thanks, Joanne!) which helps. Maybe a test of your leadership will be if you read the most convicting paragraphs to your spouse or a colleague. Yikes.
My favorite think-about topics (during my second read): two questions from Patrick Lencioni; five questions from the HBR article, “Being a Strategic Leader Is About Asking the Right Questions;” charismatic listeners; what the 9/11 Museum missed; self-abandonment vs. self-fulfillment; and this from Simone Weil: “There are only two things that pierce the human heart. One is beauty. The other is affliction.”
Habecker’s footnotes invite leaders into a treasury of deep thought about the softer side of leadership from not-so-softies. His quotes from The Seeking Heart, by Fenelon, prompted me to pull out my unread copy and add it to my summer reading list. On difficult circumstances, Fenelon inspires: “The events of life are like a furnace for the heart. All your impurities are melted and your old ways are lost…”
Finally, Gene’s chapter on creativity is a whack-on-the-side-of-the-head. Convicting, but inspiring! I’m a big fan of creativity—but it challenged me in new and fun ways. Read about his reluctant visit to the Crayola Experience (now in four cities) when guess who admonished him, “Why are you just standing there watching and observing? Grab some paper, crayons, and start coloring something—anything—and don’t be afraid to color outside the lines.” Hello Marylou!
To order from Amazon, click on the title for The Softer Side of Leadership: Essential Soft Skills That Transform Leaders and the People They Lead, Eugene B. Habecker. (And…thanks to Gene for the advance review copy. The book will be released on May 17, 2018.)
YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS:
1) In his chapter, “Stay Connected to the Heart,” Habecker writes, “As heart work is done, focus more on asking ‘what’ questions, not just ‘why’ questions. Rather than asking, ‘Why did that happen to me?’ focus more on questions such as, ‘So what can I learn from this situation? How can I grow?’” Share two more “what” questions with us.
2) In the chapter, “Protect Sacred Space and Enable Deep Thinking,” he notes, “If what people experience on the outside, however, is not grounded by some kind of transcendent or spiritual depth on the inside, the leadership persona or façade will be eviscerated the first time an organizational storm is experienced.” What patterns do you have in your life to ensure the presence of sacred space?
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Five-Finger Feedback
Insights from ECFA Tools and Templates for Effective Board Governance
“Five-Finger Feedback” is one of the 22 tools and templates I’ve used regularly. At the end of any meeting, ask each participant to rate the effectiveness of the meeting on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 is high), by holding up one to five fingers. You can also survey each participant twice:
• Question 1: My engagement in this meeting was a…
• Question 2: The overall effectiveness of this meeting was a…
The workbook includes access to all 22 downloadable templates including: the “Prime Responsibility Chart” (one-page), the “Board’s Annual Self-Assessment Survey,” the “CEO Monthly Dashboard Report,” and the "Rolling 3-Year Strategic Plan Placemat" and more. When you use all 22 of these time-saving solutions, you'll wonder why you didn't discover them sooner.
To order from Amazon, click on the title for ECFA Tools and Templates for Effective Board Governance: Time-Saving Solutions for Your Board, by Dan Busby and John Pearson (2019). (Note: This links you to the updated and improved 2019 version with co-author Dan Busby.) For more resources, visit the Board Bucket webpage.
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