Issue No. 264 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting arrives just in time for your Christmas family gathering with a quick-reading guide for the enablers around your dinner table. Plus, this reminder: check out my Management Buckets website with dozens of resources and downloadable worksheets for your staff meetings. And…watch for the Dec. 31 issue with my Top-10 Books of 2012 Recommendations.
Addicts: It Takes a Village
Merry Christmas! If your family gathering is typical, your dinner table is filled with good food, good conversation, long-lost relatives and one or more addicts and their long-suffering enablers. Are you an enabler?
“Where there is an addict, there is always an enabler,” says David Curry in his quick-reading 92-page wake-up call, First Aid for Enablers: Ten Treatments for Enablers and the Addicts They Love. (Buy the Kindle edition today for just $2.99.)
“An addict who seeks to maintain some semblance of normalcy in relationships and function in society cannot do so without someone enabling them. Often more than one enabler is necessary for the addict to keep it all together. Supporting someone in addiction literally takes a village.”
Our workplaces, our churches, our homes and our families are populated with addicts. More than 30 million people in the U.S. are addicted to alcohol, drugs and other destructive behaviors. Yet far less known and understood: it is enablers who continue to make the lifestyle of addicts possible. Sometimes enablers even encourage the addiction.
Curry’s non-technical writing style—with plenty of eyebrow-raising stories and insights—will keep you engaged. (Wow! I know someone like that. Have I been the enabler?) He cautions do-gooders: “You must refrain from thinking that this book will help you get your loved one clean of her addiction. In fact, thinking that you are responsible for the other person getting clean and sober is one of the telltale marks of an enabling personality."
Curry, CEO of The Rescue Mission, a regional ministry headquartered in Tacoma, Wash., begins with a succinct definition:
“Enabling is any behavior that removes or softens the consequences of addiction, thereby making it easier for the addict to continue to use drugs.”
His first aid kit includes 25 big gulp questions (yes or no), including:
• Have you ever “called in sick” for the addict because he was too hung-over to go to work or school?
• Have you ever lied to anyone to cover up for the addict?
• Have you ever bailed the addict out of jail or paid his legal fees?
• Have you paid bills that the addict was supposed to have paid?
• Have you loaned the addict money?
• Have you finished a job or project that the addict failed to complete?
• Have you talked to someone for him as a way of reducing his pain?
• Do you ever feel manipulated by this person but ignore your feelings?
• Do you ever feel that no one understands him like you do?
Now here’s the zinger: “If you answered YES to any of these questions then there is a good chance you have enabled someone in their addiction. It’s time you get real and decide that you will not be complicit in their chaotic, dangerous lifestyle.”
Curry prescribes 10 treatments for addicts including the importance of a unified agreement not to provide financial and resource support. He adds, “Parents who are in unity but who fail to educate grandparents, siblings, and friends of the addict will also struggle to see progress.” Establishing tough boundaries is critical including, “I will not keep his secrets and aid him in living a double life.”
There’s much, much more in this very important book—and it’s the perfect pass-along book for educating family members and work colleagues. Increasingly, our society must be far more proactive in identifying destructive behaviors much, much earlier. Horrific tragedies like the Sandy Hook shootings in Newtown, Conn., may seem remote to you. But when addiction touches your dinner table or the cubicle next to yours, your advance preparation will make all the difference. Buy this book today!
KINDLE: To order the Kindle version (just $2.99) from Amazon, click on the title for First Aid for Enablers: Ten Treatments for Enablers and the Addicts They Love, by David Curry.
BOOK: To order the book version from Amazon, click on the graphic below for First Aid for Enablers: Ten Treatments for Enablers and the Addicts They Love, by David Curry.
Your Weekly Staff Meeting Questions:
1) David Curry writes that “being healthy is second nature” (not first nature) because we all carry false beliefs into adulthood. What are some of the false beliefs that you have observed in addictive behaviors?
2) The media highlights the consequences and heartbreak of addictive behaviors (especially violence with guns), but the enabler’s role is often minimized or not addressed. What can we do in our families and workplaces to educate ourselves and others about first aid solutions for enablers?
Christmas Buckets - Insights from Mastering the Management Buckets: 20 Critical Competencies for Leading Your Business or Nonprofit
Still need a last-minute gift for your boss, a team member, or an emerging young leader? Fan the flame of life-long learning with a gift book or Kindle version of Mastering the Management Buckets. Click the graphic below to order from Amazon.
Merry Christmas!
Sounds like a great book for those of us who are struggling with someone we love who is an addict. I need to get one for my friend. Her daughter is struggling terribly.
Posted by: Debbie | January 01, 2013 at 11:53 AM